


Fool everyone by not fooling anyone

by KaelsMiscellany



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Multi, Silly, idk what i'm doing anymore, vaguely cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 01:36:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaelsMiscellany/pseuds/KaelsMiscellany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was almost funny in a way, if Hux were the sort to be amused by ‘star-crossed romances’. Well alright, in the back of his mind he <i>was</i> cackling gleefully over the fact that Kylo Ren, terror of the First Order, appeared to be pining after three people who would just as soon kill him as look at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fool everyone by not fooling anyone

**Author's Note:**

> Done for yet _another_ [TFA_kinkmeme prompt](http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1082.html?thread=729914#cmt729914). (I am not ashamed to admit I check it every single day)

The problem, Hux had long since realized, was that in the past few years since Starkiller had been destroyed the First Order was slowly failing. Not that he was going to leave it, oh no; he had been here from the start and shed too much blood and sweat to give up.

So really the problem wasn’t the First Order itself, but just one, important member of it. Kylo Ren.

And today Hux was finally going to deal with it.

The door to Ren’s quarters gave easily, why wouldn’t they? True no one dared to enter Ren’s rooms, but Hux wasn’t going to let himself be dissuaded by stormtrooper stories.

“Ren,” he spoke loudly into the receiving area, “I know you’re here.” The upside to having implanted tracking devices.

From behind the other door, Ren’s bedroom, he heard movement, and Hux relaxed his stance as he waited for Ren to come out. He did a few minutes later, helmet gleaming in the lights. “Hux,” Ren clearly wasn’t happy, but since when did Hux care about that? “I should hope you have good reason to disturb me.”

The best reason. “Of course, I wanted to speak with you about the report you gave the Supreme Leader.”

“What about it?” Ren moved to one of the seats and sat.

Hux turned slightly so he could stare down at Ren. “Mainly that I believe he’s overlooking the big picture of these past few years.” Understandable, if you thought of Snoke as just another being and not the Supreme Leader, wise in the Dark side of the Force.

Despite the mask Hux could picture Ren’s raised eyebrow. “I am fairly certain that’s sedition Hux, are you certain we shouldn’t be talking about _you_?”

If Hux knew attempting to punch Ren in his smug face would actually get anywhere he would. “Nevertheless, it’s true.” He was doing this for the good of the Order, he just had to keep reminding himself of that.

Ren leaned back against the chair and steepled his fingers. “Alright then,” Ren’s tone made it clear he was humoring Hux. “Enlighten me.”

Rolling his shoulders Hux straightened. “I believe the Supreme Leader his been deliberately overlooking your gross fraternization with the enemy.” He threw the accusation down like the challenge it was. Ren couldn’t talk his way out of this one, Hux knew the truth. It was almost funny in a way, if Hux were the sort to be amused by ‘star-crossed romances’. Well alright, in the back of his mind he _was_ cackling gleefully over the fact that Kylo Ren, terror of the First Order, appeared to be pining after three people who would just as soon kill him as look at him.

“Ah yes,” there was a smirk in Ren’s voice. “All the times we tried to kill each other, we really weren’t. You’re boring me Hux.”

Hux stiffened. “Well what about the fact that you _let_ the scavenger girl get away with those holocrons? The ones _you_ said were vital.”

“I got what I wanted,” Ren responded lightly, nothing about him giving anything away.

“And the other day when you nearly crashed into one of the Resistance fighters and sent the message ‘no one likes your stupid handsome face anyways Dameron.’?”

A sound, that if Hux didn’t know any better he would call choked laughter, left Ren. “Demoralizing the enemy.”

Of course there weren’t the only infractions, Ren had been doing this for _years_ now, but those two were some of the more recent. “And FN-2187’s record prior to his defection?” Hux arched an eyebrow. “None of the stormtroopers have flawless records.” They overlooked most of the minor things, yes, but they still kept track of them; except apparently with FN-2187.

“It’s hard to get into trouble when you’re in sanitation Hux. Is that all? Because this is pointless.” Ren stood, and for a fraction of a second it looked at if Ren were several inches shorter. “If you have nothing but baseless claims to give me, then I’m not going to waste any more time.”

He turned around, ignoring Hux’s sputtering, and went back into his bedroom. Baseless, _baseless claims_?! How, Hux spun around and stormed out of Ren’s quarters, how _dare_ he; he _would_ take this to the Supreme Leader, see if he didn’t. Ren’s acts would not go unpunished.

-

Kylo lay in bed and barely even twitched when the door hissed open and he supposedly stepped in...and shrank a few inches. Moments later the helmet was off and Rey was rolling his eyes at him. “You deal with him every day? You have more self control than I though.” Behind Kylo Finn’s snort of laughter tickled the back of his neck.

“Thank you,” he responded dryly.

Poe’s head shifted somewhere near his hip, not that he really noticed what with Rey undressing. “Shut up, I’m trying to sleep,” Poe griped.

“Uh uh,” Rey crawled into the bed. “Explanations are in order. ‘No one likes your stupid handsome face Dameron’? What’s _that_ about?” Her fingers prod one of his nerve centers making him grimace.

Kylo tried to bury his face in the pillow, “is no one going to do anything about Hux going to Snoke?” Why did she always focus on the unimportant things? Possible big problems and she wanted to know about a childhood joke?

“Already on it,” Finn said absently.

Rey beamed at him, clearly not dissuaded. “Well?”

Poe groaned and rolled over, pinning Kylo’s legs. “It’s this stupid thing from when we were kids. I’d be really nice and friendly and people would apparently freak out after I left. Now can we sleep? Sneaking out tomorrow isn’t exactly going to be fun.”

“That’s what you think,” Rey’s laughter tickled Kylo’s collar bone. “You forget Kylo plans _everything_ down to the second.”

Hux had it completely wrong, these people didn’t want to kill him, they just wanted to embarrass him, utterly. “Are you ever going to shut up about that, it’s been three years now.”

“Probably not,” Finn said as he shifted closer, one of his arms wrapping around Kylo’s waist. “I mean you did fool everyone into thinking you killed your dad, that’s kind of impressive.”

“Space,” Poe again. “I clearly need Jedi powers so I can knock the three of you out, you natter like drunk pilots.”

Even Kylo laughed slightly at that. But they did all start to settle down, and Kylo’s breathing began to even out as he fell asleep. Let Hux think he was an emotional, lovesick sap; all the better to fool the other man before Kylo destroyed this cancer from the inside out.

**Author's Note:**

> The 'everyone hates Dameron' thing comes from [this awesome Tumblr post](http://whenwolfsbaneblooms.tumblr.com/post/136342940535/iwillbeyourhands-iwillbeyourhands-please-be).


End file.
